Devotional by Timna Jones
“I’m so sorry, there is no heart beat” said the ultrasound technician. My whole world came crashing in on me. I wept in confusion. God had just brought me through a season of healing and miracles. How could the same God let my baby die? Did I need to pray that God would bring my child back to life? Maybe there was something I could do to change what was happening. Lies from the enemy began to creep in, “You deserve this for having an abortion.” Confusion infiltrated every ounce of me.
I didn’t want this to be a part of my story. I kept saying over and over again, “I don’t want this to be happening.” I was told just a few weeks earlier that there was only a 10% chance of the baby not making it. So we told everyone. We announced it on social media. I really believed there was no way I was going to be the 10%. But I was. I had never known what it was like to be the minority in those percentages. Percentages always seemed like random numbers to me, but now I was so aware of the fact that people make up those percentages.
I’m a private person. I don’t mind sharing how God got me through something hard when I’m on the other side of the breakthrough, but the vulnerability of having everyone watch as I healed from this loss was overwhelming to me. I wished so badly that we hadn’t announced on social media. I wished so badly that we didn’t tell our family and friends who asked too many questions so soon after it happened.
But here I was. This was my season.
Not only was I grieving the loss of this sweet baby but I was also told some things in the hospital about my body that made me question my ability to have children. I began to wonder if I would be able to have a child or not. This was my first encounter with such an overwhelming loss. Something about this situation made me realize that even with all the faith in the world, bad things can still happen. The enemy began to plant seeds of fear in me. I would hear him say, “the only reason you were able to get through this was because of Josh (my husband), but what if Josh dies too?” For the next couple of days I was plagued with this thought. I was overwhelmed with the reality that I was so out of control of my life that I naturally began to think of everything else I could lose.
But then something really incredible happened. I began to feel God’s peace in a way that I had never experienced before. I was able to identify the lies of the enemy and exchange them for God’s truth. And the truth was that although my husband was such a sweet blessing to me in that season, it was God and God alone that got me through that darkness. It was God that filled my heart with hope. It was God that poured His peace that surpassed all understanding over me. I began to declare out loud in that season to myself and to the enemy, “No matter what life looks like, Jesus is enough for me.” Here I was in one of the most difficult seasons of my Christian walk and I was experiencing the peace of God in a way I never had before. I felt closer to God than I ever had before.
The freedom that came from knowing that Jesus is enough for me no matter what life brings was incredible! Because the truth is: people die, bad things happen and we can’t control everything. BUT JESUS IS ENOUGH FOR US IN ALL SEASONS. And that can NEVER be taken away. So yes, there is a chance my husband could die and that would be so hard. And yes, there was a chance that I wouldn’t be able to have children. But one truth remains. JESUS IS ENOUGH NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE.
Now, three years past that difficult time in my life, I have a beautiful daughter and a husband who is the best dad ever. I look back on that season and what sticks out to me more than the heartache and disappointment is the overwhelming peace and comfort I experienced in that time. The incredible revelation and confidence I found in Jesus. No matter your situation, whether you are on the mountain top or in the valley, I pray today that you would know deep down in your soul that JESUS IS ENOUGH FOR YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE IN LIFE.
Jesus I thank you that you meet us where we are at; that you have what we need in all of life’s ups and downs. I declare that no matter what life brings, Jesus, You are enough for me! AMEN.