Relationships – An Interview with Pastor Gaye Techanchuk
Ps Gaye was interviewed by Ps Sharon, and the following is the wisdom & insight that came out of that interview.
Adultery: Can a couple get past this?
Yes, it is possible to get past the affair that may have happened.
Forgiveness – the most important ingredient. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a promise!!!! Forgiveness is as important as willingness to confront. This is not just for one person to do all the work.
1 John 1:9 NIV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Matt 18:21-22 NIV
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Make sure you both have the spirit – “whatever it takes, we will make this marriage work”.
Find a good Christian counsellor, and start attending Church on a regular basis (at least once every Sunday).
Make sure both of you own the problem. Asking why may not help, asking for all the details will give you a picture in your mind that you do not want to keep.
This should be between you and your husband and the counsellor, do not expose all of this to just anyone, even your best friend.
The offended party needs time to rebuild trust, it will take a while. Please take the time to heal and trust again. Trust and forgiveness do not exist in the land of statistics. They are born out of God’s grace, mercy and healing.
Many times pornography is a core issue.
Affairs are born out of un-met needs in a relationship. Every marriage needs to work on meeting the needs of their spouse. For the husband, it is usually a need for more of an intimate, physical relationship (sex). That is the #1 need of a husband. Sometimes in our busy lives we forget our relationship with our spouse. Many things get in the way—careers, children, and homes. But wives, your husband is your best friend. We need to make time for them. Go to bed a little early one night, dress in some sexy clothing and have a great night in bed with your husband. A husband will complain, you do not have time for him—make that extra special time for him.
Men, your wife needs to have a little romance in her life—affection—more hugs, holding hands, and genuine conversation. She also loves when you help her out a little with the housework. Bring flowers home, plan a romantic date, or take her for a long walk. Make her feel special whenever you can. Your physical relationship will improve tremendously. She will feel your affection and genuine interest in her as a wife. The dividends will be great.
Husbands and wives take care of each others needs. Make sure you are not talking intimately with anyone of the opposite sex – that will only lead to destruction. Remember your spouse is your best friend, no one else. When there is something in your relationship that needs work, talk to each other, no one else. If the two of you cannot work it out—seek professional help, not a co-worker.
Check to see if you are in touch with your spouses needs.
There are some resources out there – here are a few books I recommend…
- His Needs, Her Needs
by Willard Harley
- Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken
By Cindy Beall
- Convenant Marriage
By Gary Chapman
Remember these are just a few suggestions to get the conversations started. You and your husband may need additional help – even professional help. God wants us to enjoy married life and to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
How do I Deal with a Husband that’s a bully?
It’s important to establish boundaries, firm communication, ie “That makes me feel. . . .”
If it is verbal, establish the boundaries, but if physical start your escape plan – no one should ever be exposed to any type of physical abuse.
Talk to your spouse about the two of you seeing a counsellor – you evidently do not feel you have a voice and maybe get nowhere when you talk. You should be able to state your opinions and feelings.
Your standing firm should not be something that starts an argument – it should not be accusing, demanding, or argumentative.
Have honest communication with listening and talking.
He may be a leader and is demanding, potentially something that the two of you need to work on together.
How do I support my husband with his destiny and dreams?
Wives – always be his best cheerleader. Always be very supportive & encouraging – never critical.
Pray for your husband every night so that he can hear you, let him know that you are on the same page.
If you are not on same page keep praying and let God through the Word and prayers reveal your destiny as a couple.
Be in agreement, find a way to agree with him.
Make sure you are uplifting, send him a scripture to encourage him, let him know you are praying.
Never laugh or make fun of any dreams he may have.
You are his biggest asset, be on his side, and praise him – do not tear him down. He wants to be your hero.