Blog by Ginny Paynter
When I was fifteen Jesus revealed himself in an irrevocably tangible way. It was an experience beyond what my little overdramatic, unloved-feeling- heart could process. After that experience, I came back to my small country style church where everyone and everything was still the same before I’d left for the summer; but now, I was completely different. I spent years seeking a mountain top experience, thinking that was the only way to get in the presence of God. I had tasted and seen, and I wanted more.
Ten years later and I’m knee deep in a lifestyle with friends that was far from a Godly life, yet still attending a church. Despite living a double life, I knew I had experienced something different. In the elusive moments of working out my salvation I turned stone after stone, seeing if what I was looking for would be there. When Jesus met me though, it was just for a moment and then He was gone. I had been seeking, looking for something to “click” and God was seemingly elusive. I became frustrated then, in complete resignation to the pursuit that was never reciprocated.
High as a kite one night, I prayed the sinner’s prayer in a journal entry. Two weeks later, on a Tuesday in November – God spoke clearly, I acted, and eighteen years later I’m still seeking Jesus and He keeps showing up.
I’m more mature in my seeking now. I don’t find myself at the milky parts of my Christian walk having to seek just to build my faith to trust His truth and power in my life. Now when I seek, I don’t have to turn stone after stone. I just stay put and He lets me find Him right where I’m at. Seeking God is more of a stop and seek Him by centering my thoughts on who He is – He loves me and wants to engage with me regularly rather than a striving breakthrough of connection. There are times I feel frustrated that my prayers are bouncing off of heaven’s floors and I’m swaying in the wind, until I remember that I’m bound in a parched land with no satisfying thing to quench the thirst I have, but when I seek Him, His love finds its way to my longing soul and I remember that His love is better than life. There’s nothing better than that moment when it all clicks, the revelation is clear, and you understand more of who He is in and through you. He never fails, never disappoints, and never withholds beyond where He’s leading us in our relationship with Him. I’ve found myself just simply whispering the name of Jesus throughout the day lately and as I seek just His name, His peace floods my heart and I’m found praising Him again amid any circumstance. Seriously, He’s as close as that whisper that focuses my thoughts and heart back to Him and my striving is silenced, and my soul is satisfied. I encourage you to read Psalm 63.
Wave Conference is a wonderful opportunity to quiet the circumstances of life, focus your thoughts and heart on Jesus and seek Him for all He wants to do in and through you. We are bound in this weary land as light and life to a dying world. We offer that gift best when our revelation of Jesus is fresh and vibrant in our own lives. Never underestimate the opportunity to seek Him on your own within a corporate worship setting.